When I returned to the table after replenishing my cup, he said, "You know what, A.C.? You're becoming somewhat egg-shaped."

That I put up with that lets you know how low is my ready reserve of friends.

Admittedly, I'm no muscle-bound Adonis. But 165 pounds on a 5-foot-11 frame does not, in my opinion, make me obese, although I reluctantly admit to a 38-inch waistline.

To make matters worse, I had just returned from my annual physical, at which my doctor asked how my exercise program was going.

When I replied proudly, "I'm walking at least a mile three mornings a week," he countered with: "Not enough. I want you to do two miles six days a week. You can have Sunday off."

A doctor's goal, I say, should not exceed his patient's gasps.

But my doctor is not a man to be trifled with. When I once questioned his changing my medication, he quietly removed his stethoscope, handed it to me and said, "Here, Dr. Snow. Prescribe on!"

I could blame God for my "egg-shaped" profile. If he had not created so many temptations, I wouldn't face the struggle against high-calorie food.

But according to an anecdote from the long ago, Satan, not the Almighty, is responsible for our excessive corpulence.

As I remember the story, God had created the heavens and the earth and every living, creeping thing. He then brought forth light. And created man, in his own image.

A jealous Satan set out to frustrate the opposition.

After God populated the Earth with broccoli and spinach, cauliflower and green vegetables of all kinds so man and woman, fashioned later from man's rib, would live long and healthy lives, Satan created McDonald's.

And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent cheeseburger. And Satan said to man, "You want fries with that?" and man replied, "Supersize." And man gained 5 pounds.

And when God said to woman, "Try my fresh, crispy salad," Satan brought forth chocolate and Ben & Jerry's. And woman gained 10 pounds.

And God brought forth running shoes and man and woman resolved to lose the extra pounds. But Satan brought forth TV with remote control so man would not have to get up to switch from ESPN to ESPN2. And man gained another 10 pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

What did Satan do? He peeled off the potato's healthful skin, sliced the starchy center into chips and fried them in deep fat. And he created sour cream dip to go with the chips.

Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol. Satan saw and said, "It is good."

And man went into cardiac arrest. But a patient God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

So much for old Satan's wiles. Yes, we're a nation at war: a war against calories. And we are losing. Every day more of us are becoming egg-shaped.

But we need sympathy, not scorn, from the dwindling contingent of the long and lanky.

Many of us already are too heavy to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and say, "Get thee behind me Satan."

Let us begin with small things: forgoing the ice cream on our apple pie, choosing broccoli over macaroni and cheese, drinking milk rather than milkshake.

Meanwhile, I'm up to a minimum of six miles a week. And in the market for new friends.